I call to order this meeting of The Secret Order of Pirate Bear.
Other then reading this, Pirate Bears business should not be discussed unless at a camp fire meeting of The Secret Order of Pirate Bear (SOB). There are few members of SOB that have been at both the original meeting and the second meeting. These members are known as the Founding Members of SOB.
The Sacred Scroll of Pirate Bear is kept with The Keeper of the Scroll, a Founding Member, at his residence. The Keeper of the Scroll is also the Pirate Bear Scribe and reads and past minutes at the beginning of each meeting of SOB.
Pirate Bear and Hamster Boy currently live in a whore in Las Vegas. Nice place, small problem with mold. They are going through rough times. Hamster boy started turning tricks to make money but rarely if ever comes home with money. The problem is that when a customer asks him "How much?" Hamster Boy can only answer "Scotch". Pirate Bear is tired of Hamster Boy coming home with scotch. Hamster boy did try an employment agency but that was no help. His interview went like this:
[Interviewer] What are your qualifications?
[Hamster Boy] Scotch
[Interviewer] I See, What job experience do you have?
[Hamster Boy] Scotch
[Interviewer] Hmmmm, What salary are you shooting for?
[Hamster Boy] Scotch
Pirate Bear has a gambling problem, he has taken the deed for the Whore to a casino on The Strip. He has placed it as a bet on black in roulette and has told Hamster Boy that if he loses they are over. Billy Bob Thorton is ready to take over sitting on Pirate Bears' shoulder if this should happen. The casino has hired Tommy Lee to be the special dealer for this roulette game. Tommy is the only person that can match the schlong power of Pirate Bear.
Pirate Bear appeared on an episode of the Hit TV series "Blind Date". He was paired up with a reformed Mice shooting Shark with Laser Beam attached to her forehead, She had had her laser beam removed and was trying to move on with her life. Paris Hilton was chosen to play this part in the movie. The date went well until Pirate Bear got mad at his date when she got on the hood of his car and starts eating a burger. This starts a fight and the date ends with Pirate Bear insulting the shark so much that she reverted back to being a Mice shooting Shark with Laser Beam attached to her forehead when she had surgery to attach another laser to her forehead. But this was no ordinary laser, this is a schlong cutting laser with schlong seeking capability.
Pirate Bear supports Stem Cell research. Due to the research he has funded and participated in, his schlong can now regenerate if cut. It is constantly growing and gets quite long in between battles with Mice shooting Sharks with Laser Beam attached to their foreheads. He has also funded a new technology that allows his schlong to form a laser resistant force field around himself as he is swashbuckling.
We are now awaiting the results of the roulette spin to find out the fate of Pirate Bear and Hamster Boy.
